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Did you miss me?

October 13, 2011 5:47 pm

Okay, I feel like this post might upset some people, but I really want to get this off my chest.

I’ve come to realize that my old friends from high school didn’t really value my friendship. At least, they never really showed it. Yesterday was my friend’s 21st birthday. My old friends (her friends) took her out and threw a party for her. Last year, on my 21st birthday, I was still friends with our friends and I was still with my ex. They didn’t do anything special for me. My then-boyfriend took me to a friend’s house where we sat on the porch the whole night and did absolutely nothing. And what really bothered me that night was how they were talking about what they were going to get my friend for her birthday that was a month after mine. I wasn’t expecting a gift from them, but it’s kinda hurtful to talk about what you’re gonna get another friend for their birthday on my birthday. My ex didn’t even get me a gift until weeks after my birthday, and he didn’t even think to at least take me out to dinner. So, my 21st birthday wasn’t that great because nobody cared about it.

If you don’t know why I pushed away from all of my old friends, it’s because I felt like none of them cared about me. I felt like they chose favorites, and I was just an extra person who tagged along. So, after my birthday, I started to withdraw from the group until the only person I really had left was my ex. Then my ex dumps me, and I’m left with no one. This summer, I try to reach out to them because I missed them. And what happens? I get rejected.

Also, I want everyone to know that my ex is an asshole. Back in April, he started talking to me again. I was so happy. Then I found out that all he wanted was sex. He felt bad, so we changed our status to ‘in a relationship’, then he wakes up the next morning and tells me he’s depressed, so he dumps me again. Basically, he used me. So, Ty, you’re an asshole. I let you take my virginity because I thought we’d get married one day. But, no, after two years you didn’t want to “date to marry.” Well, you should’ve told me that in the first place because losing my virginity isn’t reversible. I hate you for taking something so special from me. I hate you for not treating me right. I hate you for telling me I could spend my life with you, then taking it back.

But, the truth is, I don’t hate him at all. I don’t like how he treated me, but I don’t think he, as a person, is terrible. But maybe now you’ll understand why I can’t get close to anyone, no matter how badly I want to. I always end up hurt.